“Cuss Control” Is Like Spanx For Your Brain

June 24, 2012 by 14 Comments

The rule of thumb is to never swear at a person with the ability to break your thumb.  It’s also unwise to swear at your mother, your employer, the person you sleep with on a regular basis, and anyone who appears to be heavily armed.

The past seven years of being a parent have brought with them an epic struggle for me to stop swearing…or at least, to stop swearing so much.

Blame it on my east coast upbringing, my barely-concealed aggressive nature, or just a character flaw, but I have a pretty serious potty mouth.  It is not surprising, if you know me in person, to hear me drop an f-bomb in casual conversation.  When I worked in the entertainment industry, a foul mouth was practically a job requirement.  I fit right in.

But curses are much less funny and cool when they come out of a child’s mouth, so in an effort to clean up my language so that I could be a better role model as a parent, I actively started swearing less when I first became pregnant back in 2004.  I have had my ups and downs with this project, and I haven’t completely cleaned it up, but I have gotten better.  Still, my 7- and 5-year-old boys have been known to scream out GODDAMMIT from time to time.  I’m a work in progress.

With this effort in mind I recently read “Cuss Control:  The Complete Book on How To Curb Your Cursing.”  It’s a yellow book with the title in bright red letters.  Having this lying around, or reading it in public, led to raised eyebrows on more than one occasion, if not outright pointing and laughing.  (You know who you are.)  The book’s author, James V. O’Connor, is a public relations professional, and an old-school conservative person.  His “guide” consists mainly of reminders that your use of offensive language betrays you as uneducated, uncouth, or unhappy.  Or all three.  And his tips for getting rid of the bad words from your vocabulary boil down to one command:  relax.

Sigh.  If only it were that easy.

Through his anecdotal history of language and interviews with people who talk about swearing, O’Connor seems to simply state that cussing is a bad thing and you should stop it.  There is no bibliography and there are many lists of less-dirty synonyms for  offensive words.  O’Connor doesn’t present expert evidence in favor of or time-tested tricks for how to rid yourself of the knee-jerk swearing you rely on, or the stream of invectives you commonly spew when you are very angry.  His “suggested procedures” are all about changing your attitude and include things like “Think Positively,” “Form a Support Group,” and “Plan Ahead,” which all sound like dieting advice to me.  His tips might work for you, but I just didn’t find them useful in my own life.

I’ll admit it – that’s what I was looking for.  A manual.  A step-by-step brainwashing, in a good way.  I already agree with O’Connor that heavy swearing makes a person, especially in professional or parenting situations, look bad.  (Don’t get me wrong – plenty of my favorite writers use offensive language all the time, and I still do myself, but I have seen a pattern in the things I like to read and in how I edit my writing – swearing in writing is usually only effective if it is used wisely and sparingly.)  So I didn’t need him to convince me that I needed to change.  I just didn’t feel like he gave good enough advice about how to do it.

Still, I have found myself thinking about “Cuss Control” when I hear myself swear in conversation, and indeed when I am writing and the f-bombs pop up organically, so that I quickly move to the backspace key and take them out unless they really help to make my point.  I have noticed that when I am in public and talking to a friend, I cringe ever so slightly (or obviously) when that friend swears loudly during our conversation.  I regret it when I let a spontaneous curse word slip if I am surprised, in pain, or suddenly angry.  All of those things mean I’m moving in the right direction.  After all, the first step towards improvement is recognizing that I have a problem, right?

So maybe that is how Cuss Control really has helped.  Without effective steps I could take to solve my problem, it insinuated its judgement of my character into my subconscious, so that O’Connor has become like the angel on my shoulder, shaking his head every time I swear.  I suppose that’s better than nothing.

I received a free copy of this book to facilitate this review.

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Belly Up to the New Drybar in Westlake Village

June 19, 2012 by 21 Comments

Be happy that Alli Webb was looking for something to do in her spare time when her children were babies.

A hairstylist by trade, Webb started offering housecall blowouts to clients on the west side of Los Angeles, advertising by word of mouth and online message boards for parents like Peachhead.

Think about it.  The stylist comes to your house and gives you a fabulous blowout for half the price it would cost in a salon.  It’s a no-brainer.

Alas, Webb was soon so busy that she decided to partner up with her brother and open a business that offered simple, professional blowouts at a reasonable cost.  No more housecalls, but something far more wonderful was born:

Drybar.

Two years, 14 locations, and several copycat competitors later, Drybar has defined a new style of beauty business – the one-service salon-type location where you can pop in, get a streamlined beauty treatment, and be on your way in less than an hour, and at reasonable prices.  Drybar has locations in LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Dallas, and New York, and every one of them offers the same service with the same level of professionalism.  “You can be in a Drybar and not know what city you’re in,” says Webb, proud of the way the brand has developed a high standard for training its stylists, who must first go through a two-week Drybar boot camp of sorts to ensure that their skills are in line with the Drybar name.

Location number 15 in Westlake Village near Total Woman Gym and Spa (in the plaza on Westlake Village Blvd. at Townsgate) opens this Friday, June 22.  Webb herself, who lives with her husband and two little boys in Orange County, is on site this week making sure everything in the store is just right – from the window graphics  to the big-screen TV’s (that play chick-flicks, naturally) to the placement of the mirrors, behind the client chairs.  “When I was doing hair in people’s homes, they didn’t have big salon mirrors in their kitchen or living room where we were working,” recalls Webb.  “That made it easier for me to work, and it was a great moment when the client would go into her bathroom to see her blowout and I would hear this great cry of joy when she finally saw how pretty her hair looked.  I wanted to recreate that feeling here at Drybar.”

Drybar’s decor and philosophy mimic those of a traditional bar – the client chairs are lined up along a bar-type counter, product for sale is stacked behind the bar, snacks are put out for people to purchase, “shots” of conditioning treatment are offered for an additional charge, and even the administrative staff are called “bartenders.”  Because they only do blowouts – no cuts, color, or other chemical-based treatments – Drybar doesn’t smell or feel like a full salon.  Even meeting Webb, you feel like you are meeting a girlfriend for a cocktail and a catch-up gabfest instead of coming to a stylist for a hair service.  The atmosphere is light and fun, and you leave looking like a million bucks, even though the blowouts only cost $35.

AHM gets a fantastic complimentary blowout from Drybar genius Alli Webb herself

When I visited Drybar yesterday, even though it wasn’t open yet, curious people were poking in to see what the deal was.  While they do take walk-ins, they get pretty busy Thursday through Saturday, so it’s best to make an appointment.  Although it’s brand new, this location is sure to get a lot of business sooner than later.

 

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Local Writer/Traveler’s Book “Red Goddess Rising”

June 18, 2012 by 5 Comments

Several months ago I met a woman named Halle Eavelyn who runs tours of Egypt.  For a living.

Let that sit for a minute.

She’s not Egyptian.  She’s a young American woman who simply fell in love with Egypt and now it is her mission to lead people there (and other exotic places) on immersive tours that go behind the scenes to where tourists (or “touristes” as they say in Egypt) don’t normally get to go.

Eavelyn’s tours are unusual for another reason:  they are spiritual as well as exploratory.    The tour company that Eavelyn co-owns with her life partner, Greg, Spirit Quest Tours, takes people to the sacred places and stops to do things like chanting and toning and meditating.  They aim to connect with the spiritual energy in the temples and the ancient lands.

According to Eavelyn’s book, “Red Goddess Rising,” they’ve been pretty successful at that.

Once a skeptic herself, Eavelyn gives a regular nod to unbelievers throughout her “spiritual travel memoir,” in which she lays out a detailed account of her many trips to Egypt in an attempt to describe her own evolution from a person who was once terrified of dying to someone who is calm and secure and brave and no longer claustrophic or afraid of the dark.  Some of this transformation happened, as Eavelyn tells it, during “memories” of her past lives, or spiritual connections with other spiritual beings.  But the important thing is that her “aha” moments happened in Egypt.

Whether the reader is open to tales of this nature or not, he cannot ignore the delightful minutiae that Eavelyn shares from her experiences as a Western woman in a Middle Eastern, male-driven nation.  As a traveler she gets away with dressing and acting any way she wants, but over time she herself even adopts the dress and manners of an Egyptian, at least for passing moments.  Especially entertaining is the story about the year Eavelyn and Greg were in Egypt during Thanksgiving, and she went to great lengths to produce a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner in a place where “pumpkin” could mean any kind of squash, and the locals would just as soon cover all of the savory dishes with cranberry sauce or opt for their favorite local beef and cheese meal.

Eavelyn’s tale of her own growth from the time she met and started dating Greg through the latest of her spiritual journeys in Egypt delves into topics one might expect to hear about in a psychologist’s office – childhood, past relationships, adultery, family dynamics, all that messy life stuff that we are used to hearing about when we learn about someone’s history.  But then she does even more in-depth personal work as her relationship with Greg progresses and he inspires her to explore roads less traveled.  Hypnotherapy, past-life regression, different religions – Eavelyn is clearly a seeker, not knowing exactly what she’s looking for until she finds it.

Having first met Eavelyn at a cocktail party and then read her book which describes her life story in cringeworthy detail, I am a little bit nervous about running into her again.  On the other hand, I’m a blogger.  I share TMI on an almost daily basis.  It must be weird for my regular readers to run into me, much less have a conversation with me about regular things.

I enjoyed learning about the many ways Egyptian culture is so different from our own, and I appreciated the detail that Eavelyn included in the book.  As a travel guide, it is handy for this reason.  As a narrative read the book is a bit more challenging – Eavelyn’s attempt to paint a cohesive picture about a tour of Egypt by piecing together stories from many different trips with different companions over the years is admirable, but it falls short of clarity and at times gets confusing enough that a flip back in pages is necessary so you know where and when you are in the story.  I found that reading “Red Goddess Rising” in short bursts worked best for me – it was the perfect dose of someone else’s reality to enjoy while my sons were in karate class two days a week.

Karate class is over for the summer, so I pushed myself to finish the book the other day at the pool so I could tell you about it.  After all, I’ve had it since February.  I missed the opportunity to tell you about the contest that Spirit Quest Tours was having to give away a trip to Egypt, which is a bummer because that might have saved you several grand.  But as Eavelyn might say, everything happens for a reason, so I’m pretty sure you weren’t supposed to win that trip anyway.  Perhaps a “girls’ week out” in Bali to retrace Elizabeth Gilbert’s steps in “Eat, Pray, Love” is more your style?

(I also reviewed Eat, Pray, Love.  You’re welcome.)

I received a signed copy of Red Goddess Rising for review.  All opinions are my own.

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