Smashburger Has Arrived in Thousand Oaks

As if there weren’t already 245 burger restaurants on our side of town – a figure that I just made up, but you know what I mean – Smashburger, a new-to-us burger joint opened last week on Moorpark at Wilbur in Thousand Oaks.  I attended their opening night party for three reasons:

1.  It was not east of Calabasas, as most “VIP” events to which I get invited usually are

2.  Free food

3.  My friend Melanie agreed to come with me

Thusly enthused, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the VIP attention – Smashburger founder and “Chief Concept Officer” Tom Ryan personally ordered a huge spread of food for us to taste, not rattling the cashier at all, at least not visibly – and the gimmick that the chain uses to make its burgers taste like I think burgers should taste.

In spite of all the extras layered on to the various combinations (like the newly minted “L.A.” – Crispy wonton, fried egg, cilantro, cucumber, lettuce, tomato and Japanese steakhouse ginger dressing on a black bean and white sesame bun), one can taste the actual burger.  And it’s yummy.

The “smash” in Smashburger is the gimmick:  each patty starts out as a meatball that gets smashed by the cook to lock in the flavor.  The process is very precise asTom Ryan demonstrated for us in the very crowded kitchen.  I’m sure the cooks were delighted to have us there.

Melanie and I sampled the L.A., the Fresh Mex grilled chicken sandwich, the Fresh Mex salad, veggie fries, regular fries, and sweet potato fries.  Oh, and two flavors of tea from the Smash tea stand.  Also, while we waited in line, servers came around with tiny little samples of milkshakes topped with a spritz of whipped cream.  I recommend the Nutter Butter.  Quite strongly, in fact.

Aside from the surprisingly standout taste of the burger, I found the chicken to be quite delicious as well.  The restaurant doesn’t so much smash the chicken as they do pound it – the result is a thin filet of chicken that is tender and juicy, not dry like you’ll find in other burger/sandwich establishments.

What I also found surprising is that I’ve never heard of Smashburger before.  The Thousand Oaks location is store number #143!  Ford spoke of flying back to his home in Denver after the opening party, on a plane that he had made sure was stocked with wine.  I’m thinking that smashing thing?  A lucrative “gimmick” indeed.

Prices at Smashburger seem comparable to other fast-casual restaurant chains, and the kids’ meal (very important info here) is less than $5, drink included.  You order at the cash register, get your number, get your drink, and your tray is brought to you by a server when your order is ready.  Maybe next time you’re heading up Moorpark, just go a little farther than Jack in the Box and pull in to Smashburger to give it a try.

Come To The Bubble For New Apple Products

Last Friday I went to the Apple store at The Oaks mall in Thousand Oaks.  It was kind of a dumb move, on paper, because that was the day that the new iPad was released.  In typical disgusting capitalist excess fashion, people had lined up at Apple stores all over the country for 30 hours in advance of the release.  I heard – and this is hearsay, so don’t quote ME – that someone in New York was trying to sell his/her place in line for $1,500.  FOR A PLACE IN LINE.

Hello, this isn’t a Cher concert.

I had to visit the Genius Bar because My Precious is dying.  My Precious is my iPhone 3GS, without which I cannot do my thing on the go.  My thing = checking email, consulting Google maps, texting, posting photos to Facebook and Posterous, etc.  Oh, and making phone calls.  Actually it is that last function that is failing – without warning and with no obvious pattern, during a call the phone will make a ghastly static sound that seems unrelated to my location or its battery level or any other factor.   There are client calls and loved ones to be heard, so I couldn’t wait any longer.  So, to the Genius Bar I went.  An Apple employee assured me that since I had an appointment, I would be able to simply go check in and be seen right away, iPad junkies be damned.

My appointment was for 2:30 PM, and I needn’t have worried about the crowds.  I got to the store around 2:15, and saw this:

More Apple Store employees than customers.

Sigh.  I love it here.  Good old suburbia, where people have shit to do so they aren’t camping out in line to get a freaking iPad.

There were signs of a morning rush, however.  When I got to the store I did see a special cart outside that had coffee urns and water bottles and stacks of cups, as if they doled out refreshments to die-hards and the squads of extra employees on hand.  Also, there were several black-clad gentlemen about who were intently staring at everyone.  I caught one’s eye a couple of times, especially after I took photos.

In case you don’t know what the Genius Bar is, allow me:  if you have an Apple product you can make an appointment with a specialist at the Apple store by going online and entering your Apple ID – which you must have if you have an iPhone or an iPad or a Mac computer.  Then you show up at said Apple store and a lovely young gentleman – or woman – will dedicate some time to help you fix your problem.  On this occasion, that help consisted of resetting my iPhone and hoping that fixed it.  Of course, I could have done this by myself at home, but I thought the Genius might have some other solution.

While I waited for my iPhone to reset I got to play a little bit with the new iPad.  (Oh, what, my friend’s website is loaded on there?  What a coincidence!!!)

In the end, my phone was not fixed.  At all.  If you call me, a few minutes into the call your eardrums will start bleeding because of the ghastly static noise that is so loud it can wake the dead.

So I ordered a new one.  It comes on Tuesday.  It’s no iPad, but at least I’ll be able to make some phone calls!

The moral of the story is that if you’re jonesing for a hot new Apple product, get your ass to Thousand Oaks or any other Apple store located at a suburban mall.  Nobody else cares out here.  We have kids to get to school and jobs to get to and spin class to get a ticket for.  We don’t have time for your hipster bullshit, so there will only be one of you in line.